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APOLOGIES
SPANISH INQUISITION
FIRST VOICE Michael Palin
SECOND VOICE John Cleese
NORWEGIAN ANNOUNCER Michael Palin
THIRD VOICE Eric Idle
REG Graham Chapman
LADY MOUNTBACK Carol Cleveland
XIMINEZ Michael Palin
BIGGLES Terry Jones
FANG Terry Gilliam
FIRST VOICE
Good evening we apologise most sincerely to those of you who have bought this record under the impression this it was in any way connected with the television programme, Monty Python's Flying Circus. This was due to an error in the printing stage of the album cover. This album is in fact called "Pleasures of the Dance" a collection of Norwegian Carpenters songs compiled by Oscar Trict.
(long pause)
SECOND VOICE
Good evening we apologise for the previous apology this apology was unnecessary and appeared on the record owing to an administrative error. This album is not as stated in the previous apology "Pleasures of the Dance" a selection of Norwegian Carpenters songs, but a new album from the humorous television show "Monty Python's Flying Circus"
(sound of Norwegian Carpenters singing and playing strange musical instruments.)
NORWEGIAN ANNOUNCER
This waltz is "The Trondheim Hammer Dance", which is held every 25 minutes in the town of Trondheim, in which the old ladies are struck about the head with round sticks of clerdowl.
SECOND VOICE
We apologise for that short extract from the "Pleasures of the Dance" which appeared on this record of "Monty Python's Flying Circus" owing to the same administrative error which resulted in the first apology. The rest of this record is now totally taken up with...
(laughs as he finishes)
...Monty Python's Flying Circus.
(the introduction music from the TV show is played followed by the sound of church bells)
THIRD VOICE
Jarrow , new years eve 1911.
LADY MOUNTBACK
Come in.
REG
Trouble at mill.
LADY MOUNTBACK
Oh no, what kind of trouble?
REG
One on't flay rods gone owt askew on treddle.
LADY MOUNTBACK
What?
REG
One on't flay rods gone owt...
SECOND VOICE
We would like to apologise to those people who may have heard a short extract from "Pleasures of the Dance" a selection of Norwegians Carpenters songs earlier in this record this appeared in error and will not be repeated.
REG
...askew on treddle.
LADY MOUNTBACK
I can't understand what you're saying.
REG
(slightly irritatedly and with exaggeratedly clear accent)
One of the flay rods has apparently gone out askew on the treddle.
LADY MOUNTBACK
What on earth does that mean?
REG
I don't know, Mr Wentworth, just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that's all. I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
(jarring chord)
XIMENEZ
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is suprise... surprise and fear... fear and surprise... Our two weapons are fear and surprise... and ruthless efficiency... Our three weapons are fear, and surprise, and ruthless efficiency... and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... Ah. Amongst our weapons... are fear, surprise...
BIGGLES
Ruth...
XIMINEZ
Amongst our weaponry... are such elements as fear, s... I'll come in again.
REG
Well, I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
(jarring chord)
XIMINEZ
Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope, and a night out with the neighbour... oh gah!! It's no good, sorry. Cardinal Biggles, you'll have to say it.
BIGGLES
What?
XIMINEZ
You'll have to say "Our chief weapons are..."
BIGGLES
(rather horrified)
Well, I... I... I couldn't... I couldn't say that...
REG
I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition.
(jarring chord)
BIGGLES
Er... Nobody... um....
XIMINEZ
Expects.
BIGGLES
Expects... Nobody expects the... uh... the Spanish... um...
XIMINEZ
Inquisition.
BIGGLES
I know, I know! Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. In fact, those who do expect...
XIMINEZ
Our chief weapon is.
BIGGLES
Our chief weapon is... um...
XIMINEZ
Surprise.
BIGGLES
Surprise and, uh...
XIMINEZ
Stop! Stop! Stop there. I've got it. Ah... ahh... all right. Our chief weapon is surprise, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Now, Cardinal Fang, read the charges.
FANG
Mhm. One pound for a full sketch, twenty-four pound for a quickie.
XIMINEZ
What'll you have?
LADY MOUNTBACK
Sketch please.
(sound of a cash register)
Design: Ireneusz Siwek
    
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© 2007 Ireneusz Siwek