MONTY PYTHON'S MODRZEW - Colin - Bomber

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     AND NOW...
     MONTY PYTHON'S
     FLIEGENDER ZIRKUS

Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus - 1972

Colin "Bomber" Harris vs. Himself

WRESTLING COMMENTATOR John Cleese
EMCEE Michael Palin
REFEREE Terry Jones
ANCHORMAN John Cleese
COLIN "BOMBER" HARRIS Graham Chapman

ANCHORMAN
(in the studio)

Well, there you are. And we'll be returning to the match some time in the second half, but right now it's time for wrestling.

(Cut to a wrestling ring containing a Master of Ceremonies)

EMCEE
A five round heavyweight contest, three falls, two submissions or a knock-out to decide the winner, between, in the red corner, Colin "Bomber" Harris

(Bomber climbs into the ring)

and, in the red corner, Colin "Bomber" Harris.

(The bell rings. Graham begins his stunningly beautiful, but mainly visual, self-wrestling routine)

WRESTLING COMMENTATOR
Here comes Bomber now, circling round, looking for an opening. He's wrestled himself many times in the past, this boy, so he knows practically all his own moves by now. And he's going for the double hand lock. He's got it. Here's the head squeeze. And the Albanian head lock. He's going for the throw. He's got the throw. And now he's working on the left leg, this is an old weakness of his. Oh, but he caught himself beautifully there, with the, er, the flying Welshman, and now it's the half Nelson. And he can twist out of this. And he's twisted beautifully into the Finnish leg lock. But he didn't like that! He did not like that one little bit. But the referee's not interested, he's waving him on, and Bomber's angry now. Bomber is really angry with himself now. And there's a forearm chop and he's gone for the double overhead nostril. Now this is painful, but he caught himself beautifully, a really lovely move there. Now he's going for the fall. The shoulders have to be on the mat for three seconds. No, he's twisting out of that, no problem here. Oh, but he's caught himself beautifully there, with the double overhead. He's got the double overhead on, I don't think he can get out of this.

REFEREE
(echoed by commentator)

One!... Two!... Three!

WRESTLING COMMENTATOR
And that's the first fall to Bomber. Well, what a surprise there. I think Bomber will have to come back at himself pretty fast now, before he gets on top. And there's the forearm smash, and the hammer to the head and he's groggy now, and there's the flying Welshman again, and another flying Welshman. And a half-Egyptian. And he's a little stunned there, but he's got the half-crab, and he's got the half-crab, and this looks very nasty. This looks very nasty indeed. But I think Bomber's going to make the ropes. Is he going to make the ropes?

(Bomber inches across and touches the rope)

Yes, he made them. Well, I think he was a little lucky there, he was in a tricky situation, and he's gone straight into the neck pin, he's got a neck pin there. He's in a little trouble, he twists out of it. He looks groggy, and he's caught himself with two beautiful forearm smashes and he's out. I think Bomber's out!

REFEREE
(raising the arm of the inert Bomber)

The winner!

WRESTLING COMMENTATOR
Yes, he's won. He has won.

ANCHORMAN
Well what a match. And he'll be going on next week to meet himself in the final.

Fortsetzung...