MONTY PYTHON'S MODRZEW - Chicken Mining

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     AND NOW...
     MONTY PYTHON'S
     FLIEGENDER ZIRKUS

Monty Python's Fliegender Zirkus - 1972

Chicken Mining

GEOLOGIST John Cleese
EXPERT Michael Palin
MINER Michael Palin
ASSAYER Graham Chapman
GABBY Terry Gilliam
FACE ?
SECOND GEOLOGIST Michael Palin
VOICE-OVER Terry Jones

VOICE-OVER
Whilst the mouse herds trample their way south, up in the hills there are solitary men seeking the even greater rewards that lie in these mountains.

(A prospector examines the contents of his pan)

The single magic word that has tantalised man since the dawn of history: "Chickens!"

(We see the delighted face of the prospector, then the pan in which a live chicken now sits)

Gabby has spent fifty years panning for chicken. He, like many other prospectors, remembers the Great Chicken Rush of '49, when this whole river ran with chickens.

(Gabby is dancing and cheering)

Then they were defeated by primitive methods.

(Interior shot of mine workings)

Now they are defeated by progress.

MINER
Chicken bones! We've struck chickens!

(A geologist stands in front of a diagram showing geological strata, titled "HÜHNERMINEN von NORD-DAKOTA" /Chicken Mines of North Dakota/)

GEOLOGIST
(with a strange voice and manner)

Die Hühnerminen von Nord-Dakota...

(He runs away, chased by two men in white coats pushing a dustbin on wheels)

SECOND GEOLOGIST
I'm sorry. The big chicken mines of North Dakota are located in this particular geological strata. As you can see, volcanic activity has caused these igneous rocks to expand up through the alluvial shales revealing these rich veins of chicken here.

(The first geologist runs past, chased by the two men in white coats)

VOICE-OVER
(Shot of pit-head)

The men who mine these chickens work at the chicken face for long and hard hours,

(five miners emerge, covered in feathers)

in appallingly noisy conditions, sometimes going for weeks without seeing their aunties.

(Gilliam picture of oil wells)

Nowadays, every possible means is being used to tap the world's hen resources.

(Oil gushes from a well; chickens rain from the sky)

(Gabby enters assay office and takes chicken from box)

GABBY
Here y'are, pure chicken, from up the creek.

(Assayer weighs chicken and examines it with magnifying glass)

ASSAYER
I'm sorry, Gabby, that ain't no chicken at all.

GABBY
What?!

ASSAYER
It's a fake, Gabby.

VOICE-OVER
Yes, the first forged chickens had appeared.

EXPERT
(Describing a sequence of sepia montages)

This Rhode Island Red was a cleverly reconstructed rabbit. This Suffolk bantam was a hollowed-out eagle, stuffed with lizards and badgers. This Kentish poullet turned out to be a Mr S.P. Stebbins. This herd of broilers was made out of a single camel. A most interesting development, but not nearly as interesting as this man,

(Pull out to a Gilliam cartoon face)

who makes his living...

FACE
Get out of here, I'm busy.

EXPERT
Oh, sorry.

(Animation continues)

EXPERT
Yes, Heinrich Bonner is a professional flea-buster, capturing, breaking and training wild fleas for Europe's leading flea circuses. This year, he's also one of Germany's big hopes in the Olympic three-day flea dressage event, and looks a sure bet to come away with a medal. Good luck, Heinrich!

Fortsetzung...